Hope - An Amazing Gift

Have you ever looked around at the evil in the world, the hurt, the sadness, and wondered what in the world the point is? Have you ever looked around and wondered what there is to look forward to in this life? I know Heaven is to come, but isn't there peace HERE that we can strive towards?

I certainly have, even though I don't always like to admit it. But, we all know by now that life is tough. Sometimes, it just sucks. But, Jesus has not just promised us eternal life. He's promised us abundant life. Here, now, we can have a life that is abundantly full of good things.

I had a situation arise this week that, honestly, left me wondering if anything I've ever done even mattered. This world is so ugly sometimes, and sometimes, that ugliness seeps into even our Christian homes and hearts, or our children's hearts. And, sometimes, all you can do is respond after it has happened. Sometimes, there is nothing you "could have done" to have made things different. And that can be a hard reality to accept. But, in the midst of whatever may be going on, we should always keep in mind that...

We are encouraged repeated in scripture to "take heart", "be encouraged", "stand", to have "hope", "strength" and "love". We have all of these things because of what Jesus did for us, and because He died and became sin for us, He also sent us the Helper. The One who can lead us, walk with us, stand with us, through this life. 

What is abundant life, here, you may ask. I asked too. A lot. And I always got some kind of different answer. But, recently, my pastor (Ned Crosby) was talking about abundant life and defined it in such a way that resonated with me. He said he believes that an abundant life is a life overflowing with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. That is the kind of life I want. The kind of life I want my baby to have. A life overflowing with the fruits of the Holy Spirit living within. 

And, finally, may we remember that as He fills us with joy and peace, we can "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".  If you are struggling today, please remember that we can ask in Jesus' name and we will receive (John 14:13-14). May we all receive that of the Lord that which we most need today.

I'm Hurting... But I Must.

What do you do when you've been hurt?

If you're anything like me, you withdraw. Slowly building a wall, thinking to yourself, "Well, now I know how ____ is. I'm not letting that happen again." And, slowly, I become hardened towards that person. And, when there are multiple hurts, the process only continues.

Hurting is hard. Obviously, we all know that. And life is full of hurt. We can't escape it. We may silently build our walls and allow the hardening of our hearts. Or angrily lash out at others, thinking that will protect our hearts.

But it doesn't. The Lord has promised us we will face trouble. Hurt. We will have hard times. Allowing our hearts to harden is not the answer. Because, as hard as we (well, at least it is the case for me) try, the more we push away those we are closest to. Even those that have not done harm.

And, most importantly, we push away the Lord. He wants a deep, personal and intimate relationship with us. We cannot have that while we are building our walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. To love is to open ourselves up to the potential for harm. There is just no way around that. And to love Jesus, we have to also love others.

And there is the hard part. I know. But here's the thing. No matter how often or how much damage a person does, we cannot allow ourselves to become hardened. No matter how much we dislike them. No matter how angry they make us. We are required to love. The thing is, we can't harden our heart towards only one person. It will penetrate our whole heart and effect every relationship we have. That includes our relationship with Jesus.

So, may I encourage you today. Don't allow yourself to become hardened. Love others. And when they hurt you, just remember that as you have been forgiven, forgive. Over and over and over. Your relationship with Jesus is worth it.

Loving...

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s hate? How about their jealousy? How about when it seems, as best you can tell, to be completely unprovoked, or the result of their own dislike towards you? Have you ever found yourself doing this very thing? It surprises me how many people have experienced this very thing or found themselves being the perpetrator. I’ve done it. I’ve received it as well.

When I find myself in the midst of hating someone, I have to make myself step back and examine my heart. Because, honestly, what could be so important, or such a big deal that I would risk my relationship with Jesus just to be able to hold onto it (1 John 3:15; 1 John 4:20)? Nothing, as far as I’m concerned. And no one. I have to make that my priority, even when my feelings and emotions try to get in the way.

And, well, if you’ve never been on the receiving end, it stinks. Terribly. It isn’t fair. It hurts, no matter how often you tell yourself that you won’t let it get to you. It hurts. It leaves wounds that have to heal. It will make you angry. It will leave you questioning what is wrong with you. And, if you’re the type of person that just, in general, wants people to like you… well, it can (if you let it) just eat away at who you think you are.

My question for those of you on the receiving end: what is your response? Because here is the thing, it doesn’t matter what they do or don’t do. If I am a Christian, my reaction is to be the same. Love. The Bible commands it. “But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, to show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven…” (Matthew 5:44-45a). That leaves little room for doubt about how Jesus is directing us to live. John 13:34-35 shows another aspect of why the Christian should love, regardless – “I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves].”

I’m not saying that it is an easy thing to do. Actually, I can assure you that it is quite difficult. However, when I consider the things for which I have been forgiven, how in the world can I not work to forgive and love as I have been? “And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). I don’t deserve the salvation I’ve received. I’ve certainly done nothing to earn it. Christ freely died for me, paid the ultimate price, the highest price, for me, even while I was in the midst of the deepest, darkest sin. When I hated Him, He loved me and gave Himself for me (Romans 5:8). Who am I to not show love and forgiveness to others? If I don’t, no matter what the other person did or who they are or how much I hurt or any of that, I become the man forgiven the great debt in the parable Jesus told (Matthew 18:21-35).

The last post that I wrote was about how the things we do in our everyday lives matter. And they do. This type of situation is a part of that as well. If I accept the love of God for me, and invite it into my life and make a commitment to live for that, then it is my duty, my responsibility, and should be my desire to show that love to others. Even those, dare I say especially those, that hate, refuse to forgive, or treat us badly. Because, the truth is, as Christians, we are not victims. We are completely responsible for the way we react or respond, the thoughts we think, the words we say (or don’t say), and our actions. No one can make me angry. I choose to respond with anger. No one can make me bitter. I make a choice to respond with bitterness.

“Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruits of it. Test and prove yourselves [[a]not Christ]. Do you not yourselves realize and know [thoroughly by an ever-increasing experience] that Jesus Christ is in you—unless you are [counterfeits] disapproved on trial and rejected?” (2 Corinthians 13:5).

So, on a final note, how about instead of blaming others for our own anger, hatred, bitterness, laziness, or whatever (I have a bunch of them), let’s follow the teaching of 2 Corinthians and examine ourselves. Let us, Lord, let me, take responsibility for my own behavior and actions and thoughts and feelings. They are MY responsibility. No one else’s. I pray the Lord would give me grace and strength to be completely honest with myself and, truly, examine myself (Psalm 139:23-24).

** Please note – I listen to a lot of teaching and read a good bit. Because of that, I don’t want to leave anyone with the impression that any of this is an original thought of my own. Any and all of the comments above may have been borrowed from and have certainly been influenced by any or all of the following people: Chas Haynes, Ned Crosby, Paul Steyne, Paul Washer, Francis Chan, Christine Caine, and Ravi Zacharias. **

Does He Know You?

There has been a lot of talk lately about big named pastors and large churches. It seems like every time we turn around there is some pastor in the news… And it makes me that much more grateful that I serve a pastor that is wholeheartedly committed to teaching Scripture, context included. And, the entirety of it. Not just the portions that we (or he) like to hear about, all the while encouraging his parishioners to study for themselves. His honest desire (that is displayed in his words AND actions) is for all under him to have a relationship with the Living God through His written Word!  It adds a level of safety that many churches cannot provide its members.

All this talk of pastors and churches has led to my listening and reading various articles, sermons, blog posts and other information. It has also refocused my attention on certain aspects of the Christian life, and what the Word of God has to say about it. And, it is a scary thing… and it breaks my heart.

This attitude that it doesn’t matter how I live because I’m a “Christian”… “I’m free to do and act however I please” is quite troubling to me. Not just because I’m a Christian and don’t agree, but because I know many people who believe this, completely, and I’m worried for them. I’m worried because I don’t know how they can KNOW the same Jesus I know, and how Jesus can know them. And that breaks my heart… but it also puts enough fear in me that I want to be sure I’m where I am supposed to be…

It isn’t a very popular teaching anymore, but sin is a big deal (Romans 6:23). And not just the “big sins”, but any sin. All sin separates us from God. We are all unrighteous (Romans 3:10-11). “We are not born again to become a better version of our old selves” (Christine Caine).  There should be a change in desires when we are created anew (2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 6:15). Will the Christian still struggle and still be tempted, and still sin? Of course; none of us is perfect. But, I do believe we should be striving to be just that – more like Jesus, day in and day out – perfect (Matthew 5:48).

I lived in the garbage of sin for a long time, all while calling myself a Christian and going to church and doing everything that a good little Christian girl should do… but not growing in my faith or maturity as a Christian, or living a more holy life. I was living with my boyfriend, for one. And I knew it was wrong. Yet, every day, I made the conscious choice to stay in blatant rebellion to God’s commands. There was no power in my life, because I wasn’t walking that way. And, now, I still sin. I still struggle with certain things. But, I have different desires in my life. I WANT to please Jesus. I want to live my life in such a way that I’m walking closer toward Him every day.  And, that, I think is the mark of true salvation… true repentance. My faith grows continuously. However, my repentance does as well. There are more and more things that I recognize as not God-honoring and that I should turn away from. This whole idea of sin not mattering in my life because I’m “saved” seems silly when you consider that, in order to be saved, I was purchased by Jesus, bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). That means, I am no longer my own. My body is not mine to do with as I please. I belong to Jesus, and His desires for me should be becoming my reality.

I think there are a lot of “Christians” that are living life, and banking on the belief that a loving God won’t send them to Hell as long as they said a prayer one time or made a decision one time. I say that, mostly because I used to be one of those… but, I don’t see that in history. It surely isn’t shown in the Scriptures. Actually, just the opposite is shown… just look at the flood. Or here’s something interesting… the angels fell, and God didn’t provide them a Savior. And, if He had not provided a Savior for me, it would change not one single thing about who He is… He would still be just, and loving, and holy. My acceptance or disregard of Him has no impact on who He is.

I want to know Jesus. And, I want to be sure that He knows me (Matthew 7:17-23)! I heard a teaching that says the implied meaning of that phrase “I never knew you” is this – Jesus is saying, I didn’t know you. We never walked together. We never talked together. We never had a relationship. He is saying this to the very people that are saying they prophesied, drove out demons and did many mighty acts in His name! He’s not saying that to the people who denied He even existed.

My desire is to draw closer to Him, becoming more like Him in the process. I’m surely not very good at it… but it is my aim. It is my goal. I pray that it is yours as well. And, if it isn’t, I pray that the Lord would draw you to Him and His Word!

** Please note – I listen to a lot of teaching and read a good bit. Because of that, I don’t want to leave anyone with the impression that any of this is an original thought of my own. Any and all of the comments above may have been borrowed from and have certainly been influenced by any or all of the following people: Chas Haynes, Charles Haynes, Ned Crosby, Paul Washer, Francis Chan, Christine Caine, and Ravi Zacharias. **

Jesus Paid it All...

2 Corinthians 5:21

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

What sin do you most regret God assigning to Christ’s resume so that you could be pronounced “righteous”?

This was in a Bible study that I have been working my way through. And, I must be honest. Reading that question has given me pause all week. I really struggled (am struggling) with the contrary aspects of God, Jesus, being so supreme and powerful, and yet, shedding His glory to come to this stinky earth to die for the wretched person that I am. And, for whatever reason, this week, that question brought to my mind more stuff than I care to remember that the Lord has been so gracious to forgive of me.

I went back and forth this week between shame and guilt for all that I’ve done to make me so unworthy of everything that Christ has done for me, to utter hopelessness over how far it seems I still have to go. Not long after I began this whole cycle in my head, a dear friend sent me a link to this beautiful hymn, titled “Jesus Paid it All”, that I just love. I listened to it, and I was touched, but then this morning it came to mind again. So, instead of listening to it again, I pulled out the words and read them. And, it was a beautiful reminder that I can’t earn my salvation. I won’t ever be good enough. I won’t ever be clean enough. There is nothing that I can do.  Not on my own. “Jesus paid it all; all to Him I owe…” The Word of God tells us that as well. “For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]” (Ephesians 2:8-9, AMP).

So, all of that to say this, if you struggle as I do with guilt over what the Lord has done for you, remember that what He has done for you, He has also done for every other person that has made the choice to love and follow Him. And, none of us deserve it one bit. We are all saved by His free grace and mercy. And, at least for me, it has been a nice reminder of why it is absolutely worth living my life to glorify Him!

Here’s the link to the song, just in case you needed a listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs05AtP2wd8

Follow the Recipe…

Lying in bed last night, I was mulling over several conversations I’d had throughout the day, playing some things over in my head. I don’t recommend this behavior, by the way. It usually causes more problems than it solves. But, anyway, I was thinking about a conversation I had with the sweetest young lady, who is also a dear friend, who wants to learn how to cook. And that thought led to thinking of my own journey of learning how to cook, and learning to love cooking. I realized that I had to learn to follow the recipe. Now, when I cook, sometimes I follow the recipe to a tee. Sometimes, I just make it up as I go, and sometimes I take a recipe and add my own twist to it. But, when I first began cooking, following the recipe was essential to preparing an edible dish. And, I think, there is some truth in there that is applicable to our spiritual walk as well.

For example, if someone wanted to make homemade macaroni and cheese (and had never made it before) so they got a recipe from someone that made really good macaroni and cheese, some would assume that the dish would turn out good, but there are a few things that result depends on. First of all, the person giving the recipe has to give a complete recipe. If they leave out steps or ingredients, or give wrong amounts, it likely won’t matter if the person follows the recipe. Second, the person has to follow the recipe. If the cook decides they are not going to look at the recipe as they make the dish, what guarantee is there that the ingredients and end result will be anything close to the original?

In our walk with God, He has given us the recipe to a full, abundant life in Him. He has given us everything we need in His Word to accomplish His will for us. It is complete and accurate.  But, we still have to follow “the recipe”. And, we can’t pick and choose the parts we want to follow. If I want to make macaroni and cheese, but don’t use any macaroni, I will not end up with macaroni and cheese. Or, if it says to bake in a pan for 30 minutes, but I decide I’d rather broil it in a muffin pan for an hour, well… I hope I have smoke detectors installed. But, the same applies to our walk with God. Just because I may not like part of His plan, or because it may be more difficult than I’d like, doesn’t mean I can ignore it and still expect to come out at the end with the result I want.

I am praying that the Lord would reveal to me the areas in which I don’t follow His Word. I pray that He would begin to convict me in areas I have not submitted to Him. And, more than anything, I pray that He would use me and help me to show His love to even just one person, every week, every day, and every moment. Because when I, or anyone else, look back on my life, I want the end result to have been that I loved as He loves and that I lived to shine His light to as many people as crossed my path. And, I have a very long way to go before I even come close, but I am confident that if I continue to follow His “recipe”, I’ll have a delightful end result.

For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [[d]full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue).

2 Peter 1:3

On Whose Authority?

 Authority has been on my mind a lot lately, in several different areas of my life. I’m not completely sure why. Perhaps it is because I want to be “under” someone. It makes me feel safe, protected. That desire to be protected helps keep authority on the forefront of my mind, because I want to be sure that I am in the proper place, that I have followed the Lord’s guidance as to the earthly authority that I need. However, the harsh reality of it – whether you’re like me or not – is that we are all under some kind of authority. We can choose some of them ourselves, like which pastor you place yourself under, but some authority we do not choose. Like, for instance, the laws are a type of authority and, while yes, we do vote on some of them, they just “are”. And if you break them, typically, there is some type of consequence.

So, my question to myself over the last couple of weeks regarding certain decisions has been “On whose authority…?” It just occurred to me one day while contemplating what to do in a certain situation – have I even stopped to determine whose authority I am acting under? Yes, I’ve prayed about the situation, but that doesn’t always mean that I will be patient enough to hear the answer, and sometimes, I just hear what I want to hear. But, as a Christian, I want to be under God’s authority, ultimately. And I want the things I do to respect that authority and give honor to Him. But do I do that, practically, in my every day comings and goings? What does it really mean to give God the authority in my life?

As I began reading some about authority and what all it entails, two examples came to mind. I am pretty simple-minded when it comes to understanding things, and practical examples really help me wrap my head around things.  So, let’s look at two behaviors that I think are extremely common in our world today, and that I can relate to – speeding and divorce. I chose these two because I think they portray the two different sides of the perspective while being common enough that most people can relate.

Speeding – anyone who has driven around the Columbia area, particularly on the interstate, will know that speeding is common. Whether you are a fast driver or not, it is there. A lot. And, a lot of Christians speed like there is no such thing as a speed limit. If I choose to speed, am I acting under the authority of God?

Divorce – I think it is probably safe to say that everyone knows someone who has been divorced. And, dare I say, most people know at least one person that has been married more than one time. Obviously, it is a pretty common occurrence, regardless of what you believe the statistics are. If I choose to get divorced, or marry again after a divorce, am I acting under the authority of the Lord? This one can get a little tricky because there are so many different aspects to divorce. So, for the sake of this argument, I will ONLY be referring to situations where both parties are getting divorced because they have “irreconcilable differences”. There is no abuse, no adultery or anything of that sort and it is a mutual decision (as in, one person did not just walk away). And, according to our laws, they can get divorced, with no other reasons necessary.

The Word of God makes it clear as to how the Lord feels about divorce (Malachi 2, Matthew 5, and Matthew 19). There are also several scriptures instructing us to not divorce even if one person is a believer and one is not (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). However, in our culture today (American culture, that is) divorce is “common”. Our laws permit divorce, and once that divorce is final, one is free to remarry whomever and whenever that person so desires. However, is that biblical? According to Matthew 5 and 19, I do not see how that argument can be made. So, my question is, when we, as Christians, divorce and remarry (sometimes multiple times) because the world’s law says we can, because it matches our desire, unto whose authority are we submitting?

Speed limits are posted on every road, at least as far as I know. It is against the law to drive faster than that posted limit, not to mention, it can be dangerous. If you get pulled over for speeding, the most common consequence is a speeding ticket. However, if you don’t get pulled over, and don’t get into an accident, I guess there isn’t much of a consequence. So, if I, as a Christian, choose to drive above the posted speed limit, unto whose authority am I submitting?

My perspective is that, in both situations, I would be only submitting to my flesh. In both situations, I am not submitting to the Lord’s authority. With the divorce situation, I think the verses pertaining to divorce explain why I say that. With speeding, I think this relates, from Romans 13:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience (verses 1-5).

Perhaps you believe I have made two entirely different situations far too black and white. And, perhaps, I have. However, I truly believe the principles apply regardless of how black and white or gray they are. As God-fearing, Bible-believing Christians, we claim to submit our lives to the authority of God. But, do we, do I, do that? Practically? In my everyday life, my daily comings and goings and routine, do I live my life under God’s authority, and ultimately for His glory? Do I weigh my decisions based on the authority He has in my life, or are they made according to my own whims and desires?

My prayer for my own life is that my life would glorify God. I don’t believe that can ever happen if I do not submit to His authority. My prayer today is that I would make more of a conscious effort to discover what the Lord would have to say, not of what the world would approve. My plan to see this begin to happen: dive into His Word with a fresh love and hunger.  Without the foundation of His Word, what other way would I have to determine His desires, character, nature or instruction?

Trusting?

“Oh, I trust God with _____.” Do you have one of those areas? One of those, “I don’t really struggle trusting the Lord with that” areas? Or, maybe you’re like me and like to “jazz” it up a little… “I do struggle, but the Lord has shown His faithfulness so often that the struggle isn’t what it used to be”. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Well, I certainly have one of those areas… or maybe I should say “had”. I hadn’t even really given much thought to it all until I got a text from a dear friend yesterday. “You have been heavy on my heart. Are you okay?” My immediate reaction – “Yep. I’m okay.” But, afterwards, I really got to thinking about it. Did the Lord put me on her heart? Well, probably so. Because once I stopped and looked around I realized just how tense and out-of-sorts I was feeling that day. Why? Because I was worried about a situation that, truly, the Lord has taken care of repeatedly. He really has proven Himself faithful in this area of my life. But, how quickly I fell right back into stress and frustration because I couldn’t work it out on my own – right then!

I was reminded shortly after that of the verse in the Old Testament that says the Lord will fight for us. In Exodus it says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (14:14). I haven’t been doing a very good job of being still in this situation. I’ve done everything I could to fix it myself, find a solution immediately, and discount every bit of wisdom that was given to me. Not to mention that, in one way, I got myself into it by not being patient.

And, actually, as I sit here writing this, I’m reminded of the message we heard on Sunday. It was titled “Wisdom’s Seven”. A wise decision is: pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. And, if I had just followed that list in the first place, I wouldn’t be struggling today. I still don’t have the answer. I still have to deal with the problem. But, I do believe that the Lord is still fighting for me. And I do believe that a resolution will come soon. There are some other benefits too…

The blessing of it all is that

1.    I have learned another lesson about the goodness and grace of God. He wants the best for us, and while I do believe I made the right decision overall, I should trust His timing more.

2.    I have another reminder that His grace is new every morning, and not dependent upon my perfection. Thankfully, because I’m not. And, yet, He loves me anyway… even me!

Thanks for taking the time to share in my “moment”. And I pray that if you are struggling to trust the Lord that He would work with us both of becoming more and more trusting of Him, and more and more like Him…

Lord, Help Me to Know You...

Do we really know who Jesus is?

We call Him Lord. We call Him Savior. We talk, sometimes a lot, about having a relationship with Him. We speak of loving Him and how He loves us.

But, do we know Him? Do we recognize who He is? Do we fear Him because of who He is? Does He hold the authority in our lives?

I know that sometimes, in the daily flow of life, the routine that you can almost do with your eyes closed, I forget. I don’t forget Him, but I forget to acknowledge Him. I forget to slow down and recognize moment by moment who He is and why I should seek to praise and glorify Him in everything I do.

He is Lord of all. He is Savior. He is God. He is worthy of all of our praise. He is the King of kings. He is the creator of everything.

He. Is. God.

Let us not, in our casual conversation, forget who He really is. Let us not, in our daily grind, forget what the God of the heavens did for us - Let me not forget what He did for ME! Let us, moment by moment, day by day, live to glorify His name alone.

Psalm 145:3

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.

Lord, help me to remember this every moment of every day. Help me to keep this in the front of my mind no matter what busy-ness may come my way. Help me, Lord, to point others toward You. Help me to live my life to the glory of God alone. And, more than anything else, Lord, help me to show my sweet boy that he was created to do the same. Help me point him toward You, even in the simple, day to day routine. Help me to be a mother that teaches her child dependence on You and not on man, or himself. Thank you, Lord, for Your grace and mercy towards me daily…

Grace Misunderstood...

“Grace misunderstood will always result in jealousy.” (Ravi Zacharias)

I heard this quote this week and it really went deep inside and pierced something in my heart. Then, conviction came à I do that. Better yet, I am doing that…

You see, I have had a bit of a struggle lately with jealousy. And, I really didn’t understand why. I couldn’t come up with a good “reason” why I felt jealous. And, on some level, I think I didn’t really care. This person had hurt me, hurt my feelings, and I was angry, still…

After I heard this quote, and felt the conviction that applied to my situation, I began to dig a little deeper. What in the world does it mean to “misunderstand” grace? I read and studied Scripture, looked up some particular word meanings, and prayed for the Lord to reveal to me what I needed to do to correct this problem. The only thing I have been able to come up with… unforgiveness.

When people hurt us, or at least when they hurt me, I think unforgiveness can be the largest temptation. And, if I hold onto that unforgiveness, it is unlikely that I will understand or agree with the grace offered by others, and maybe even the grace offered to them by God.

Grace, in the Old Testament, comes for a root word that means, “to act graciously or mercifully toward someone; to be compassionate”. It is God’s unmerited favor. And since He gives that grace (and forgiveness) to me, who in the world do I think I am to withhold it from someone else? And, if I continue to hold onto my hurt feelings and unforgiveness, will the Lord forgive me? His Word says not… (Matthew 6:14).

I think one of the hardest things for me to learn during this process is that, no matter how good a job I think I am doing at keeping all these struggles a secret, I really can’t. This stuff will come out one way or another because, after all, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34).

So, I encourage you as I begin myself, examine your heart for unforgiveness, jealousy, grace misunderstood. And, in the process may we continually be working towards a higher level of righteousness à towards being like the One who has saved us…

Am I Deceived?

Three or four times this week (maybe even more) the topics of truth and deception have come up and it has been weighing heavily on my mind. It all begin with a conversation about Mormonism and how, some at least, have waded so far into a world of deception that they no longer have a desire for truth, but desire only to confirm what they believe. Well, I heard that and thought… “Wow… I know some Christians like that too”. That thought led to other thoughts and then to this final question – if they can be deceived, and deceive themselves to such an extent, who’s to say I have not done the very same thing? I mean, some of these people have brilliant minds (of which I do not) and many are more educated and experienced that I could become in multiple lifetimes. How can I be so confident that I have not done the very thing they have?

    

     Well, the purpose of this post is not one that is apologetic in nature, but I will say that I have the Word of the Lord as my guide. And, the actual, physical, verifiable evidence that that Word is truth continues to grow. That, I believe, is the number one reason why I can be confident.

    

     Now, this very morning, I was watching a video and the speaker began to talk about deception and self-delusion, in particular. And, to us Christians, she brings up this point. Deception is what will lead to our downfall. Unbelievers are already there. But, to those of us that do desire to follow God and live for Him, we must guard against deception. I must know what I believe, why I believe it, and if what I think I believe is actually what God’s Word says. Without that, I open the door wide open to be deceived (Hosea 4:6 says – My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.).

But, there is more to the story than knowledge when it comes to guarding against deception. James 1:22 (Amplified version) states this – But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].

   

     If I want to guard myself from being deceived, then there are two things I must do…

1.    I must know what God’s Word says. I must have read it multiple times, studied it, prayed for understanding, have it ingrained in me. It must be a part of who I am.

2.   And then, I must do what His Word tells me to do. I must obey the message that He has given for me to follow.

Then, I can trust that I have done all I can do to avoid being deceived. But, and this is my own personal opinion, I think that if I do not do these things, if I don’t make an effort, but pray and ask God to protect me from deception – have I not already deceived myself? 

He tells us, clearly, in His Word that there will be opportunity to be deceived, and warns us repeatedly about deception, and then tells us how to protect ourselves from being deceived. Let us, let me, study… Let us, let me, as a Christian, know His Word and obey it.

“Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15

“Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruits of it. Test and prove yourselves [not Christ]. Do you not yourselves realize and know [thoroughly by an ever-increasing experience] that Jesus Christ is in you – unless you are [counterfeits] disapproved on trial and rejected?” 2 Corinthians 13:5

My God is so Great...

       My God is so great, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do *clap clap*

       You know that song, right? I know I used to sing it in children's choir all the time... well, all those words are true, but there's another side to that as well...

       My God is so small, so personal, so intimate, He meets me where ever I am...       

        About a week ago, I found myself in the midst of a truckload of drama over something stupid. I could have lashed out, right back at the people that were lashing out at me. I could have defended myself (and maybe I should have). But I didn’t. I sat quietly and, when the opportunity arose, I left. I walked away from the situation. Was it the right thing to do? I really don’t know. I wonder, sometimes, if I shouldn’t have stayed, said my peace and let the chips fall where they may. But, I can say this; God’s grace flowed on the day through the most unsuspecting person. And for that reason, I am glad I left.

          In the midst of the chaos that I talked about above, there was a man that I know very little of, and he knows very little of me. But on that day, he displayed God’s grace to me. And, I venture to say, he probably had no idea. In fact, it didn’t even register with me until DAYS later when I was pondering over the events that unfolded.

          What struck me as most interesting about all this is the little ways in which God displays Himself, and His ways, to His children. On that particular Sunday, some of my closest friends didn’t extend grace to me. Actually, it was probably the exact opposite.  And they knew me the best. And yet, here is this person that I hardly know and I was covered with grace from the start.  Later, as I was realizing all this, I was reminded that our security is not in people. My security and my trust is in the Lord. And He showed His grace to me, abundantly, even when I wasn’t aware of it. Even when I didn’t thank Him for it. Even when I didn’t care and didn’t want it. He loved me. And He covered me.

What an amazing God we serve. A God so great as to create the universe and everything in it. A God so powerful that even the weather must obey His command. And yet, He is still a God so personal to me, that in the midst of this petty, drama-filled, stupid situation, He met ME right in THAT moment. And He desires to meet us all in each moment of our lives. Because He loves us that much…

My Choice Today...

It is amazing to me how quickly we, especially us women, can get turned upside down. The couple of times I have written it has been concerning change and how it is necessary, and happens sometimes without even noticing it. And then yesterday, I caught myself moping (well, pouting actually) over how some things have changed.

It amazes me as well how quickly my focus can be altered. It is Christmas time, believe it or not. The big day is right around the corner. I love Christmas. This time of year isn’t always easy for me nowadays, but I love it. I love the atmosphere, the smells, the family time, and the intentional focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas – the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And yet, in my pouting yesterday, I was greatly convicted about my bad attitude and selfish thinking, despite just a few hours earlier pondering how thankful I am for the many blessings in my life.

How quickly I allow things to change! All the more reason, I believe, for me to be fully devoted to ingraining God’s Word in my heart and mind all the more. What is in my heart, really in my heart, is what will come out. And what I “feed” is what will survive. So, on this new day, my choice is this – what will I focus on today? My selfish ambitions and desires or God’s plan and His Word? Whatever I feed today is what will prevail in my life and ultimately what will be imparted to those around me today… to my friends and family, to my darling son, and to the many strangers that I come face to face with today. Will I touch them with the love of God or will they just see another girl swallowed up in the grind of daily life?

That is my choice to make today…

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
                                                                            Isaiah 26:3

Changes...

Little did I realize when I wrote my last post that there would be yet another change in less than five years, as I now face, head on, a move back to Manning.  It is exciting and causing a bit of anxiety at the same time… There are good things, and things that I’m not too crazy about. But, what big decision isn’t riddled with the pros and cons?  Well, for some reason, this little thing that I wrote a few months after my dad passed away has been constantly on my mind…

I am not exactly sure what brought this writing back to my memory the last week or so but it has been heavy on my heart. Perhaps it is the upcoming holidays, which never fail to bring strong and vivid memories of my daddy and his passing and all the things that surrounded that time in my life. Perhaps it is the move. I am not sure. But, I do know that at the time I wrote this, I was devastated at the loss of a certain relationship. And now, almost five years later, I look around at the relationships that God has blessed me with, in the place of that one, and I am again astounded (Perhaps it is a little fear that I will lose a couple of those relationships that mean so much to me now that has brought this back to me so strongly…).

Looking back at this situation has been an amazing reminder during this time of upheaval and changes all around that no matter what a situation looks like, I have to remember that God knows the beginning and the end and I am held in the palm of His strong hand. I know that He has a plan, regardless of what I think about it or whether or not it is following the plan I had laid out myself… His plan is and always will be the best for me. And, it will probably be beyond what I could have even dreamed up for myself!

Anyway, this is the writing… have a happy Thanksgiving! And, thanks for reading. And, if you are struggling with grief this holiday season, know that there is always hope…

The Casualty of Grief...

Pain undeniable

Path uncharted

Hope dismayed and

Heart troubled

Walls built

Worship hard

Comfort unreachable

Concern unwanted

Unfamiliar emotions

Producing 

Twisted words

Leaving

Friendships lost

Relationships hindered and

Bonds broken

Reality unbearable

Rescue uncertain

The Father faithful

The Truth solid

The Word true

Life returns

Emotions stabilize

Bonds restored and

Forgiveness accepted

Hope renewed

Heart healed

Walls deteriorating

Worship returned

Comfort felt

Concern conveyed

Help offered

Heart shared

Yet

Friendships lost and

Relationships still hindered.

Time...

In a conversation the other day, it dawned on me that in approximately 3 months and 15 days, I will be recognizing the FIVE year anniversary of my daddy’s death. That is unbelievable. I cannot believe it has been that long ago. It seems like just yesterday… but like forever at the same time. *sigh* Time sure is a funny thing!

          But, at the same time, I got to thinking about how much has changed in the last five years and it is incredible. I never realized just how much can happen in five years. It really isn’t that long!

          Since my dad has been gone, I have made some friends that are as close as mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers to me, and yet, during that same amount of time, I’ve watched the disintegration of some very dear friendships. I’ve become active in a church that has about 50 regular members, most of whom I know and treasure. I was coming from a church at the time that was very large and steadily growing into a few thousand member church. I had been attending there for almost 8 years. Leaving there, I thought, was one of the hardest moves I’d ever made… and now, it is just a memory!

          Drew started kindergarten J and I finished college (well, my bachelor’s degree, anyway) and started on a Master’s degree… three different times! This time I’m in for the long haul though! Drew’s moved on into the THIRD grade, and I can hardly believe how much he’s grown. I’ve changed jobs THREE times in five years – from owning and managing a daycare center, to teaching middle school, to being a receptionist at an audiologist’s office! And there is so much that happened in the midst of those changes that I couldn’t even begin to type it all out – some absolutely heart-wrenching and others complete blessings from God!

          Drew and I endured a custody battle (a rather nasty one at that) and another family court hearing over a different matter altogether. Drew got a severe kidney infection, and in the process of that we learned that he only has one fully functioning kidney. It is hard to believe that was almost three years ago!

          All of these things have caused changes in our lives, some more noticeable than others but when I’m not paying attention, things seems so much the same.  But, when I slow down and really look… wow. My baby is almost as tall as me and can read and write… and do math better than I can. J What is the saying… ? “The only thing that never changes is that everything changes.”

          But I am happy to be able to say that, looking over the past five years, it’s been good. It hasn’t been easy. No, most of it, at the time, I thought would kill me. That surely I would never make it through to the end. But I did, and you know what. You will too. Because that is the promise of our Lord. That is the hope that we have in Him! And, as I look back over these five years I can see His precious hand moving and working in my life and in Drew’s life.

All of that to say, January 2, 2009, I thought at the time, was the day my life would never be the same., the day that I would never get over, never get past, and that would hang over me like a rain cloud forevermore. And, the truth is, it still isn’t easy. I miss my daddy more now than I ever have. But I was right about one thing. My life will never be as it was before then, but the truth is, it is okay. If it were easy, it probably wouldn’t matter. Isn’t that usually how those things work? January 2, 2009 wasn’t the end of my life. It just changed my life forever.