Lord, Help Me to Know You...

Do we really know who Jesus is?

We call Him Lord. We call Him Savior. We talk, sometimes a lot, about having a relationship with Him. We speak of loving Him and how He loves us.

But, do we know Him? Do we recognize who He is? Do we fear Him because of who He is? Does He hold the authority in our lives?

I know that sometimes, in the daily flow of life, the routine that you can almost do with your eyes closed, I forget. I don’t forget Him, but I forget to acknowledge Him. I forget to slow down and recognize moment by moment who He is and why I should seek to praise and glorify Him in everything I do.

He is Lord of all. He is Savior. He is God. He is worthy of all of our praise. He is the King of kings. He is the creator of everything.

He. Is. God.

Let us not, in our casual conversation, forget who He really is. Let us not, in our daily grind, forget what the God of the heavens did for us - Let me not forget what He did for ME! Let us, moment by moment, day by day, live to glorify His name alone.

Psalm 145:3

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.

Lord, help me to remember this every moment of every day. Help me to keep this in the front of my mind no matter what busy-ness may come my way. Help me, Lord, to point others toward You. Help me to live my life to the glory of God alone. And, more than anything else, Lord, help me to show my sweet boy that he was created to do the same. Help me point him toward You, even in the simple, day to day routine. Help me to be a mother that teaches her child dependence on You and not on man, or himself. Thank you, Lord, for Your grace and mercy towards me daily…

Grace Misunderstood...

“Grace misunderstood will always result in jealousy.” (Ravi Zacharias)

I heard this quote this week and it really went deep inside and pierced something in my heart. Then, conviction came à I do that. Better yet, I am doing that…

You see, I have had a bit of a struggle lately with jealousy. And, I really didn’t understand why. I couldn’t come up with a good “reason” why I felt jealous. And, on some level, I think I didn’t really care. This person had hurt me, hurt my feelings, and I was angry, still…

After I heard this quote, and felt the conviction that applied to my situation, I began to dig a little deeper. What in the world does it mean to “misunderstand” grace? I read and studied Scripture, looked up some particular word meanings, and prayed for the Lord to reveal to me what I needed to do to correct this problem. The only thing I have been able to come up with… unforgiveness.

When people hurt us, or at least when they hurt me, I think unforgiveness can be the largest temptation. And, if I hold onto that unforgiveness, it is unlikely that I will understand or agree with the grace offered by others, and maybe even the grace offered to them by God.

Grace, in the Old Testament, comes for a root word that means, “to act graciously or mercifully toward someone; to be compassionate”. It is God’s unmerited favor. And since He gives that grace (and forgiveness) to me, who in the world do I think I am to withhold it from someone else? And, if I continue to hold onto my hurt feelings and unforgiveness, will the Lord forgive me? His Word says not… (Matthew 6:14).

I think one of the hardest things for me to learn during this process is that, no matter how good a job I think I am doing at keeping all these struggles a secret, I really can’t. This stuff will come out one way or another because, after all, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34).

So, I encourage you as I begin myself, examine your heart for unforgiveness, jealousy, grace misunderstood. And, in the process may we continually be working towards a higher level of righteousness à towards being like the One who has saved us…

Am I Deceived?

Three or four times this week (maybe even more) the topics of truth and deception have come up and it has been weighing heavily on my mind. It all begin with a conversation about Mormonism and how, some at least, have waded so far into a world of deception that they no longer have a desire for truth, but desire only to confirm what they believe. Well, I heard that and thought… “Wow… I know some Christians like that too”. That thought led to other thoughts and then to this final question – if they can be deceived, and deceive themselves to such an extent, who’s to say I have not done the very same thing? I mean, some of these people have brilliant minds (of which I do not) and many are more educated and experienced that I could become in multiple lifetimes. How can I be so confident that I have not done the very thing they have?

    

     Well, the purpose of this post is not one that is apologetic in nature, but I will say that I have the Word of the Lord as my guide. And, the actual, physical, verifiable evidence that that Word is truth continues to grow. That, I believe, is the number one reason why I can be confident.

    

     Now, this very morning, I was watching a video and the speaker began to talk about deception and self-delusion, in particular. And, to us Christians, she brings up this point. Deception is what will lead to our downfall. Unbelievers are already there. But, to those of us that do desire to follow God and live for Him, we must guard against deception. I must know what I believe, why I believe it, and if what I think I believe is actually what God’s Word says. Without that, I open the door wide open to be deceived (Hosea 4:6 says – My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.).

But, there is more to the story than knowledge when it comes to guarding against deception. James 1:22 (Amplified version) states this – But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].

   

     If I want to guard myself from being deceived, then there are two things I must do…

1.    I must know what God’s Word says. I must have read it multiple times, studied it, prayed for understanding, have it ingrained in me. It must be a part of who I am.

2.   And then, I must do what His Word tells me to do. I must obey the message that He has given for me to follow.

Then, I can trust that I have done all I can do to avoid being deceived. But, and this is my own personal opinion, I think that if I do not do these things, if I don’t make an effort, but pray and ask God to protect me from deception – have I not already deceived myself? 

He tells us, clearly, in His Word that there will be opportunity to be deceived, and warns us repeatedly about deception, and then tells us how to protect ourselves from being deceived. Let us, let me, study… Let us, let me, as a Christian, know His Word and obey it.

“Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15

“Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruits of it. Test and prove yourselves [not Christ]. Do you not yourselves realize and know [thoroughly by an ever-increasing experience] that Jesus Christ is in you – unless you are [counterfeits] disapproved on trial and rejected?” 2 Corinthians 13:5

My God is so Great...

       My God is so great, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do *clap clap*

       You know that song, right? I know I used to sing it in children's choir all the time... well, all those words are true, but there's another side to that as well...

       My God is so small, so personal, so intimate, He meets me where ever I am...       

        About a week ago, I found myself in the midst of a truckload of drama over something stupid. I could have lashed out, right back at the people that were lashing out at me. I could have defended myself (and maybe I should have). But I didn’t. I sat quietly and, when the opportunity arose, I left. I walked away from the situation. Was it the right thing to do? I really don’t know. I wonder, sometimes, if I shouldn’t have stayed, said my peace and let the chips fall where they may. But, I can say this; God’s grace flowed on the day through the most unsuspecting person. And for that reason, I am glad I left.

          In the midst of the chaos that I talked about above, there was a man that I know very little of, and he knows very little of me. But on that day, he displayed God’s grace to me. And, I venture to say, he probably had no idea. In fact, it didn’t even register with me until DAYS later when I was pondering over the events that unfolded.

          What struck me as most interesting about all this is the little ways in which God displays Himself, and His ways, to His children. On that particular Sunday, some of my closest friends didn’t extend grace to me. Actually, it was probably the exact opposite.  And they knew me the best. And yet, here is this person that I hardly know and I was covered with grace from the start.  Later, as I was realizing all this, I was reminded that our security is not in people. My security and my trust is in the Lord. And He showed His grace to me, abundantly, even when I wasn’t aware of it. Even when I didn’t thank Him for it. Even when I didn’t care and didn’t want it. He loved me. And He covered me.

What an amazing God we serve. A God so great as to create the universe and everything in it. A God so powerful that even the weather must obey His command. And yet, He is still a God so personal to me, that in the midst of this petty, drama-filled, stupid situation, He met ME right in THAT moment. And He desires to meet us all in each moment of our lives. Because He loves us that much…

My Choice Today...

It is amazing to me how quickly we, especially us women, can get turned upside down. The couple of times I have written it has been concerning change and how it is necessary, and happens sometimes without even noticing it. And then yesterday, I caught myself moping (well, pouting actually) over how some things have changed.

It amazes me as well how quickly my focus can be altered. It is Christmas time, believe it or not. The big day is right around the corner. I love Christmas. This time of year isn’t always easy for me nowadays, but I love it. I love the atmosphere, the smells, the family time, and the intentional focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas – the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And yet, in my pouting yesterday, I was greatly convicted about my bad attitude and selfish thinking, despite just a few hours earlier pondering how thankful I am for the many blessings in my life.

How quickly I allow things to change! All the more reason, I believe, for me to be fully devoted to ingraining God’s Word in my heart and mind all the more. What is in my heart, really in my heart, is what will come out. And what I “feed” is what will survive. So, on this new day, my choice is this – what will I focus on today? My selfish ambitions and desires or God’s plan and His Word? Whatever I feed today is what will prevail in my life and ultimately what will be imparted to those around me today… to my friends and family, to my darling son, and to the many strangers that I come face to face with today. Will I touch them with the love of God or will they just see another girl swallowed up in the grind of daily life?

That is my choice to make today…

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
                                                                            Isaiah 26:3

Changes...

Little did I realize when I wrote my last post that there would be yet another change in less than five years, as I now face, head on, a move back to Manning.  It is exciting and causing a bit of anxiety at the same time… There are good things, and things that I’m not too crazy about. But, what big decision isn’t riddled with the pros and cons?  Well, for some reason, this little thing that I wrote a few months after my dad passed away has been constantly on my mind…

I am not exactly sure what brought this writing back to my memory the last week or so but it has been heavy on my heart. Perhaps it is the upcoming holidays, which never fail to bring strong and vivid memories of my daddy and his passing and all the things that surrounded that time in my life. Perhaps it is the move. I am not sure. But, I do know that at the time I wrote this, I was devastated at the loss of a certain relationship. And now, almost five years later, I look around at the relationships that God has blessed me with, in the place of that one, and I am again astounded (Perhaps it is a little fear that I will lose a couple of those relationships that mean so much to me now that has brought this back to me so strongly…).

Looking back at this situation has been an amazing reminder during this time of upheaval and changes all around that no matter what a situation looks like, I have to remember that God knows the beginning and the end and I am held in the palm of His strong hand. I know that He has a plan, regardless of what I think about it or whether or not it is following the plan I had laid out myself… His plan is and always will be the best for me. And, it will probably be beyond what I could have even dreamed up for myself!

Anyway, this is the writing… have a happy Thanksgiving! And, thanks for reading. And, if you are struggling with grief this holiday season, know that there is always hope…

The Casualty of Grief...

Pain undeniable

Path uncharted

Hope dismayed and

Heart troubled

Walls built

Worship hard

Comfort unreachable

Concern unwanted

Unfamiliar emotions

Producing 

Twisted words

Leaving

Friendships lost

Relationships hindered and

Bonds broken

Reality unbearable

Rescue uncertain

The Father faithful

The Truth solid

The Word true

Life returns

Emotions stabilize

Bonds restored and

Forgiveness accepted

Hope renewed

Heart healed

Walls deteriorating

Worship returned

Comfort felt

Concern conveyed

Help offered

Heart shared

Yet

Friendships lost and

Relationships still hindered.

Time...

In a conversation the other day, it dawned on me that in approximately 3 months and 15 days, I will be recognizing the FIVE year anniversary of my daddy’s death. That is unbelievable. I cannot believe it has been that long ago. It seems like just yesterday… but like forever at the same time. *sigh* Time sure is a funny thing!

          But, at the same time, I got to thinking about how much has changed in the last five years and it is incredible. I never realized just how much can happen in five years. It really isn’t that long!

          Since my dad has been gone, I have made some friends that are as close as mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers to me, and yet, during that same amount of time, I’ve watched the disintegration of some very dear friendships. I’ve become active in a church that has about 50 regular members, most of whom I know and treasure. I was coming from a church at the time that was very large and steadily growing into a few thousand member church. I had been attending there for almost 8 years. Leaving there, I thought, was one of the hardest moves I’d ever made… and now, it is just a memory!

          Drew started kindergarten J and I finished college (well, my bachelor’s degree, anyway) and started on a Master’s degree… three different times! This time I’m in for the long haul though! Drew’s moved on into the THIRD grade, and I can hardly believe how much he’s grown. I’ve changed jobs THREE times in five years – from owning and managing a daycare center, to teaching middle school, to being a receptionist at an audiologist’s office! And there is so much that happened in the midst of those changes that I couldn’t even begin to type it all out – some absolutely heart-wrenching and others complete blessings from God!

          Drew and I endured a custody battle (a rather nasty one at that) and another family court hearing over a different matter altogether. Drew got a severe kidney infection, and in the process of that we learned that he only has one fully functioning kidney. It is hard to believe that was almost three years ago!

          All of these things have caused changes in our lives, some more noticeable than others but when I’m not paying attention, things seems so much the same.  But, when I slow down and really look… wow. My baby is almost as tall as me and can read and write… and do math better than I can. J What is the saying… ? “The only thing that never changes is that everything changes.”

          But I am happy to be able to say that, looking over the past five years, it’s been good. It hasn’t been easy. No, most of it, at the time, I thought would kill me. That surely I would never make it through to the end. But I did, and you know what. You will too. Because that is the promise of our Lord. That is the hope that we have in Him! And, as I look back over these five years I can see His precious hand moving and working in my life and in Drew’s life.

All of that to say, January 2, 2009, I thought at the time, was the day my life would never be the same., the day that I would never get over, never get past, and that would hang over me like a rain cloud forevermore. And, the truth is, it still isn’t easy. I miss my daddy more now than I ever have. But I was right about one thing. My life will never be as it was before then, but the truth is, it is okay. If it were easy, it probably wouldn’t matter. Isn’t that usually how those things work? January 2, 2009 wasn’t the end of my life. It just changed my life forever.